BANGSTORIAL.

One of you lovelies in the comments asked, and herein I shall deliver! Or at least attempt to do so. “COLLIER, UR BANGS ARE GOOD, HOW.” Are they good? I don’t know! I mean, they seem fine to me? But if you’re down with this kind of medium-dense, medium-length, styled-but-not-too-styled spiel, well then here ya go. :D

I AM A FOOL, PROBABLY.

Listen, I haven’t let another human color nor cut my hair for the last, like, twenty years? Too many bad experiences (“ugh, I just paid someone $40/$80/$100 to piss me off. I can get bad results for free, thanks”), and also I have an extreme aversion to sitting in a salon listening to other people’s banal conversations (which are a different and less-good flavor of banal than my own conversations, tyvm), other people’s music (TERRIBLE), and a half dozen hair dryers going ZZHHHRRRRRRRRRR … for like two goddamn hours. So I started cutting my own hair. This is easier when it’s medium to longish, and double-easier when you wear it kinda curled/wavy or whatever, because that hides any, ahem, discrepancies in length or layering.

ANYWAY. It’s pretty damn easy to cut your own bangs, even if you’re smarter than me and do not try to cut the rest of your hair. I dick around with mine a lot, and frequently change up their length or thickness or shape. But here’re a few basic rules I [almost] always abide by :

1) DO NOT CUT THEM WET. This is almost guaranteed to result in a length or shape you don’t want, especially if you’re a hair-cutting amateur. I generally cut mine before I get into the shower, when they’re dry and still have a little of their “style” left in them, which I can use as a guideline. Also this is usually a gradual process for me, and it’s easier to see how it’s going and whether you need another angle, thinner in some places, a bit more length off etc if they’re already kind of “how you normally wear them.”

2) HAVE GOOD SCISSORS. Of course I use some fancy-ass professional hair cutting shears. Ha ha I’m totally fucking with you, I use these dumb things :

Those are Westcott Bonded Titanium (ooooo) Non Stick scissors in the 7″ size ($8.19 on Amazon, ritzy). They’re smallish, the handles are nicely grippy, and that nonstick coating is FANTASTIC for working with tape or labels or anything with adhesive on it. I use them for my hair because they’re quite sharp, and relatively slim and not too fat at the pointy end, so I can get reasonably precise with them.

3) DON’T CUT STRAIGHT ACROSS. I mean, you can, if  you’re cutting bangs where no bangs existed before? But in general, when trimming, I don’t whack them straight across. I find that I get a softer line (and can arrange them into little tapered sections more easily) if I do ALL of the cutting on an angle, which results in a natural kinda irregular taper at the bottom edge.

YEAH THAT IS SOME ART. The weird blue claw thing is supposed to be my scissors; the solid orange lines are where I’m actually cutting. The low point of the line is obvs the longest point I want my bangs to be/hit; holding the scissors at like a 45-degree angle for each chop will give like a half-inch or so of tapering/thinning at the bottom edge so it won’t be so “heavy” looking.

After I’ve done however many angle-chop passes I need to get the length I want (do a chop-pass, dust off cut hair, floof/arrange/play with bangs now to see how they’re doin’), then I lift up about the top half inch or so of hair, like the uppermost “layer” of my bangs? And do an angle-chop pass on THAT section, cutting it a little shorter.

This takes even MORE weight off the lower edge, and prevents that whole Solid Wall Of Bangs effect. Which, I like that effect for shorter “retro” bangs? You know, the pin-up girl kind that hit mid-forehead? But not for my “normal” bangs.

3) BANGS ARE THE ONLY THING I HEAT-STYLE. As you know, I generally sleep in The Sock Bun Thing, and I usually barrette my bangs back at night so they don’t touch my face while I sleep, for that is annoying AF. So for styling, I pull them down out of the sock bun (or just take the whole thing down), get them damp (wet hand under faucet, run fingers through bangs, and be sure to thoroughly saturate root area), and hit them with a blow-dryer and a round brush. OH WHAT BRUSH THO? Dude I’ve got a fookin’ GRAVEYARD of rejected round brushes under my sink (or did, until I finally tossed a lot of them). My all-time fave omg-it’s-so-good bangs-curling brush is the Olivia Garden No Not Olive Garden This Is Brushes Not Breadsticks Ceramic + Ion Turbo Vent Combo in (believe it or not) the “petite” two-inch size which seems huge ($23.99 at Amazon, but I think I got mine at Ulta?).

I swear to god, this is the only round brush I’ve ever used  that actually holds onto my bangs but does not get inextricably tangled in them (or in the rest of my hair). It’s so good I don’t even care that some of the little plastic bloops have come off the ends of the vent-style bristles (which is probably not from “normal use” but from my habit of vigorously brushing this brush with another brush to clean it).

Anyway, I curl my stupid bangs under with this stupid brush and my stupid decade-plus-old Vidal Sassoon travel dryer (“out of my cold dead hands” etc), and THEN — the last step, and this is important — while my bangs are still hot, I slap my hand over them and mash them down flatter against my forehead. This doesn’t ruin the smoothness or slight curl we just spent all that effort creating, but it DOES make them lie a bit flatter against my face, increases their apparent length (handy if you accidentally chopped ’em too short) (again), and prevents the dreaded Giant Puffy 80s Mall Bangs look.

And that’s it! Aside from a little hairspray. Aveda Pure Abundance 5ever. Was this helpful? I hope this was helpful! If not, well, maybe you’ll find it useful for styling a future Halloween wig. <3

UR BANGS. TELL US ABOUT THEM. And your routine, if you’ve got one!