Whoa Dude, Hemp Oil

The Skin-Ny

Ah, hemp. The favorite “sustainable crop, no really it’s amazing and so useful and NOT THE SAME THING AS POT” plant of stoners everywhere. But seriously, hemp is great! You can make shoes and rope and stuff out of it, and also AN OIL from the SEEDS (oh whaaaat).

In my internet travels, I’ve run across glowing recommendations for this stuff more than once, so on my last Amazonathon, I quickly (so as to make the “order in the next 0:02 hours and your order will arrive by…” cutoff) added a bottle to my cart. Oh, Nutiva is a brand I recognize — I have their coconut oil and it’s real nice, this is probably fine, $5.69 is pretty cheap, wow 8oz is a lot, but whatever [click].

And then it arrived (two days later, woo!) and I looked at the bottle and the first thing I saw was “Nutrition Information” and oh shit oops, did I accidentally order a food item? What the hell, let’s smear it all over our faces anyway, yeah? Yeah!


Okay other reviewers for this very product on its Amazon page ARE talking about using it topically, so I haven’t accidentally purchased salad dressing or anything. Hemp seed oil, however, is GREAT to eat. Like, super ultra great. Appx 80% of it is made up of essential fatty acids like linoleic, alpha-linoleic, omega-6, omega-3. One tablespoon provides more than the recommended daily intake of EFAs, and it’s low in saturated fats relative to other comparable edible oils. As with any vaguely-hippie-ish product, you can find dozens/hundreds of reviews and anecdotes claiming that “eating this stuff cured my ____!!!” Please do take all those with a very large grain of salt, but do also note that there’s clinical evidence that hemp oil (straight liquid or capsules) is an effective treatment for eczema. No, it does not contain THC (okay it might contain tiny trace amounts, but processing usually removes 99.99% of cannabinoids) so you won’t get any psychoactive effects (sorry).

It’s food! No it’s moisturizer! IT’S BOTH, WHAT.


Well, it’s oil. Texture-wise, it’s slightly thicker/more viscous than my squalane oil or Algenist oil. It’s also a rather marvelous yellowy-olive green color, which pleases me greatly (no, it won’t impart any tint to your skin, don’t worry). And the scent — whoa, y’all. I actually love the scent. It smells … well, very vegetal, obvs. To me it’s kinda like fresh raw green beans and maybe some kind of hay or alfalfa? The taste is quite strong — very grassy/nutty, with just a hint of bitterness, so yeah, I’m going to be using this in salad dressings A LOT (and marinades, and sauces, and etc). My only quibble with this particular variety is that the packaging is a sturdy bottle (nice) that’s dark semi-opaque plastic  for longevity/freshness (also nice; also I’m storing my big bottle in the fridge), but with a flip cap (fine) that covers a tiny valve-type opening that’s “activated” by the pressure of the oil itself when you squeeze the bottle (feh). But the thing is, it takes a fair amount of pressure to activate, so when the stuff comes out, it comes out in a VERY LARGE STRONG SPURT. This is wildly inconvenient for use as moisturizer, so I decanted some into a tiny dropper bottle I cleaned out.


I’ve been using this stuff at least once (usually twice) daily for about a week now. You know how, after quitting Differin and starting to use squalane oil, my skin has been behaving REALLY well — just a bit of congestion on my cheeks, and frequent tiny white pimples (annoying, but easily dealt with) along my jawline. Since I’ve been using hemp seed oil, I still have a bit of congestion, but the smattering of small pimples along jaw? Gone. Like, I think I’ve had one in the last week. That is … well, it’s frankly astounding, and there’s nothing else I can attribute it to. I’m due for PMS right now and I *should* be having a minor breakout, but nope. Nothin’. Holy cow.

Anyway, this stuff feels really nice. It absorbs well and my skin feels moisturized and velvety — though do note that it IS a little heavier than some other oils. I don’t mind the feeling at night, or even during the day if I’m not putting anything else on my face. However, if you’ve got oily skin, you might want to restrict this to using at night or only applying a tiny tiiiiny amount during the day, because I find that it will make my skin look and feel a little oilier if I use it under my usual makeup (light foundation, powder, setting spray, etc). Since squalane oil is lighter and doesn’t have that same result, I’m probably going to be using squalane as my “day moisturizer” when I’m wearing makeup, and reserve the hemp stuff for nighttime use and/or no-makeup days.

IN CONCLUSION : This shit is amaze. I love it. I love the weird scent, I love the weird color, I love the taste, and I super duper love what it’s doing for my skin. Do you need it? I would say YES. I mean, it’s under six bucks for eight ounces, and if for some mad reason you end up not liking it on your face/skin (the weird scent I dig so much? it’s undetectable after like five minutes) you can eat it.

Can you dig it, man? Rap about it.