Nude-ish Brownish Lip Things : The Sequel

Aka Adventures in Repetitive Failures 2.1. You guys why do I have so many of these?

Honestly, I should just convert them all to jewelry or glue them to a jean jacket or something. ANYWAY, read on for more information about my failures (and actually a couple that’re pretty great!).

Clockwise from top left: LQ Silver Screen “You Kid,” LQ Saint “Berry,” ChiChi “Sex Bomb,” ChiChi “Social Climber,” Uslu “KIV,” Rituel de Fille “Prey.”

Lipstick Queen Silver Screen “You Kid” : At appx $50 retail ($47.24 on Amazon), this remains one of my stupidest-ever lipstick purchases. Not because it’s bad, but because I knew damn well I’d never wear it. I think this has left the house on my actual lips like … twice? Anyway, on the whole, this is a great formula. Nicely creamy but not too slippy, and the case is probably my favorite lipstick packaging on earth. So sleek! So shiny! Nicely hefty but still small! Magnetic lid!

Lipstick Queen Saint “Berry” : Despite the name, this is actually very brown — not just a “muted berry,” BROWN. That said, this one actually works pretty okay on fair cool/pink complexions, as it’s not too orangey and it’s quite sheer. And on that note, I like LQ’s opaque matte-ish Sinners line okay, but the Saints are EXCELLENT. Out of all my sheer-with-strong-tint lip products, these are the plushest, most comfortable, with best/most even pigment distribution and without the tendency to build up a ridge of deeper color when you rub your lips together. $21 on Amazon, $24 on Ulta.

Chi Chi Viva La Diva “Sex Bomb” : I am super concerned with product color names, and have zero patience with bullshit that reinforces twee-cutesy / helpless princess / trashy man-trap stereotypes. So when I tell you I loooove these lipsticks in spite of shade names like “Hollywood Housewife” and “Glamazon” and “Bimbo,” you know I mean it. This particular shade, due to its desaturated-pink undertones, is one of  the few “nude” shades I can actually kinda pull off [with the right makeup]. $14.17 on ChiChi, and free shipping to the states (they’re from Australia) if  you spend $100US.

Chi Chi Viva La Diva “Social Climber” : This one I don’t pull off quite so well. It’s still in the nude-ish/neutral color range, but on my pink skin it leans strongly terra cotta, which I’m not crazy about.  But like all of their matte lipsticks, it’s a soft non-drying demi-matte formula, CRAZY pigmented, great wear, clings well to inner lip, doesn’t get clumpy or gross when you reapply, light rosewater scent, cute fuchsia-foil-embellished tube that’s sturdy grippy plastic with a clear color well at the base so you can clearly see which shade you’re grabbing. $14.17 on ChiChi.

Uslu Airlines “KIV” : Hands down my fave Definitely Brown lip thing. This is in the same genre as UD’s 1993, but cooler and rosier and less yellow, which means it isn’t completely appalling on my pink face. These have a light creamy texture, quite good wear, and a DELIGHTFUL case — a thick and slightly rubbery [i.e. non-brittle] translucent white plastic that’s just so Space Age. KIV is the ATAP airport code for Kishinev, which is more properly called Chisinau these days, which is the capital of Moldova, if you’re interested in that sort of thing (I totally am). $25 on Amazon; I’ve got like six of these and will happily acquire more.

Rituel de Fille “Prey” : Their color-smear swatch makes this look like a muted mauve, but dude it is full-on TAUPE and it’s one of the most wildly unflattering things I’ve ever had on or near my mouth, and that includes the drunk eating of bbq ribs. The formula on this one is pretty okay — matte-ish, but not drying or uncomfortable, but the $23 price tag for half the product of most lipsticks (.06oz versus the usual .12oz or so) makes them a “nah” for me, so I likely won’t order others beyond the three I’ve already got (only one of which is actually “wearable” in both color and formulation).

HELP I need something that’s kinda nude-ish / brown-ish for my skin tone, but not TOO nude and not TOO brown. Got any of these? Report!