Every so often, the Great Cosmic Wheel of Makeup Trends rolls back around to “oh hey nude-ish brownish lips are TOTALLY A THING again, YEAH, we love this!” And every time, I fall into the damned trap. I am pale, and I am pink. Brown, in any format, is really very much Not My Friend. We’re having one of those times now, and once again, I have multiple failures to show for it. Let’s take a look and mock my pain (and also my drunken foolishness, which is why three of these are in my collection) :
I’m pretty sure I’ve already mentioned how I got kinda tipsy a week or two ago and insomnia + remembering my fave CP potted eyeliner was now unusably dry = “I’m gonna order right now. But let’s look at all this other shit while we’re here.” But hey, at least one of these was a free mini!
ZUMA Ultra Blotted : I really like this formula, but my [drunk] color choice is both a mystery (why the hell did I pick THIS ONE? it’s literally THE WORST ONE for me) and a failure (washes me out like a mofo). Am definitely getting at least one other of these in what will hopefully be a more flattering shade. But this feels thin and smooth and super lightweight, and is matte and fairly sheer but not really drying! Comfy! I’m a fan. $6 at ColourPop.
FRICK N FRACK Ultra Satin : Great formula, tho it lacks the transfer-proof qualities of a matte. This color is so wildly unflattering on me, it is not to be believed. Fortunately this was a free mini, so I don’t feel quite as stupid as I otherwise might. $6 at ColourPop.
WILD NOTHING Ultra Matte : You know, this is almost wearable and not completely nightmare-ish on my skin. It’s definitely brown, but it’s slightly more cool-toned / less orangey, so if I adjusted the rest of my makeup (and wore it on a day when I wasn’t likely to get hot ‘n’ sweaty ‘n’ bright pink, I could maaaaybe pull it off. $6 at ColourPop.
STING RAYE Ultra Matte : This is also insanely unflattering IRL, but I *did* render it wearable when I topped it with blue-violet highlighter. Otherwise, this one’s a big fat fail that makes my skintone look weird, makes my lips look weird, makes the whole entire everything look weird and bad. $6 at ColourPop. WAS $6 at ColourPop, now discontinued, which I shall shed no tears about.
TOO LIPS Ultra Satin : WTF, this looked like a nice plummy raisin shade in all the swatches I saw, yet on my lips it turns into something that can only be described as “expired bittersweet chocolate pudding.” NOPE. Also discontinued, and GOOD RIDDANCE.
VINTAGE NYX Liquid Suede : Rounding out the set for an even six, a similar product from a similarly-priced line but a much worse formula. This also seemed “raisin! desaturated plum! so nice!” yet once on my face, it is too dark, too brown, and too ick. Also I’m not super keen on this formula : it’s matte-ish, but it retains enough tack/stickiness that when I press my lips together, the product on my bottom lip will pull some of the product off of my top lip. Since it goes on a lil’ bit streaky to begin with (tho this might be less problematic with a lighter color), no bueno. $6.99 at Ulta.
AND NOW, I’ve learned my lesson : beware the siren call of the nude-ish brownish lip thing. (Tho I’ve got another six in that category from Lipstick Queen, Chi Chi, Uslu Airlines, and Rituel de Fille…but we’ll get to those later.)